Going Environ Mental

I have a strange affliction. I seem to be overly averse to pollutants in the environment. But there are two pollutants which get to me more than any others:

1) Sneezes
2) Diesel Fumes

When someone sneezes in a room I am in, I tend to hold my breath for 45 seconds or so - just so I do not have to breathe in any of their germs. Obviously, I try to be discreet about this, as I would not want to offend anyone. The multiple sneezers sometimes fool me though, as I have just started to breathe again as they fire off another salvo.

When I am on my scooter riding behind a truck blowing out diesel fumes from the exhaust, I also hold my breath. The problem being that if I cannot overtake quickly I end up almost crashing due to lack of oxygen.

So if you see a guy with a blue face weaving about on a white vespa behind a truck, you will know it is me.

Hamish Recommends...

Hamish is a discerning cat. He has great taste, especially when it comes to selecting an owner. He also knows a good product when he sees one. And before you ask - No, he is not a target market.

Hamish would like to wholeheartedly endorse the following innovative products and or resources:

• The Slanket - a blanket with sleeves so you can stroke him whilst he cuddles up.
• Molli's Choice Beverages - enhanced flavoured water for your pet. The roasted chicken flavour water sounds great...
• Catster - the place to meet all your cat-friends online. Think of 

Brushing Up

Well, Hurricane Florence has passed, and the only major issue seemed to be with my camera, which has inexplicably died, leaving me very unhappy. It looks like the new camera I wanted will have to be ordered sooner than originally planned. This was a "luxury" hurricane - no power lost meant TV, DVD and internet.

So I spent much of yesterday tidying up after the storm. There was enough foliage on my patio to create a whole new tree, my barbeque was full of leaves, and I had to brush the outside walls to remove all the debris plastered against them.

My only other issue this weekend was taking an 8-mile walk in a vest without sunscreen. That was pure stupidity. Now it looks like I

Lumix: Bereft of Life

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!

'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!

'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

Alas - my camera is dead...

Wind Movements

So the storm is upon us...

Hurricane Florence is much more brazen than her name suggests, lifting her skirts and causing a rush of breeze which makes even the proudest palm trees tremble.

The trees in my garden lean away from her advances, occasionally being pushed flat as Florence heaves a mighty sigh. The rain sheets across the landscape, lashing out at windows, walls and any surfaces it finds.

The lightbulbs flicker, but remain glowing for the moment. The windows shake, but remain intact for the moment. The trees bend,

The Wind Whistles Like a Nightingale...

...Florence Nightingale, that is. Hurricane Florence is approaching the island as I type, with the closest point of approach expected to be 60 nautical miles to the West at 7am.

All hatches have been battened down, all buckets filled with water and all wine bottles prepped for early consumption. It has rained for much of the day, and the tree frogs are croaking in anticipation of the oncoming storm.

I ventured out earlier to do my patented "finger in the air" wind speed check, and reckoned on about 35 knots, with gusts rating higher. It was far too chilly to attempt the much more accurate "nipple-ometer" test, which is accurate to 3 knots , but requires being